POLYAMORY FROM THE OUTSIDE
I Dated a Married Woman, Now I’m Friends with her Husband — Part 1
About five years ago my horn-dog, yet very vanilla self ended up in a peculiar situation. Looking back, it was a pretty creepy move. I went on a particular app looking for an easy lay but ended up with something more. Something special.
I just wanted some quick sex. I ended up with the love of my life. The one little problem…she’s married.
How We Met
I’m a regular user of dating apps. To be perfectly honest, I probably just go on them for validation more than finding a relationship or someone to hang out with. I love the dopamine hit of seeing that match light up my screen with someone I’d think is out of my league.
Probably sitting on the toilet swiping (gotta love modern-day dating) I got one match that was WAY out of my league. She was easily a 10. I went through her profile to get some info for an opening line and saw something along the lines of “This is fun, but I’m more of a Thrinder girl.”
So, I obviously looked up Thrinder right away. It’s a dating app that originally started out as couples looking to add a third, or unicorns looking for a couple, but has since evolved to a place for kinksters to find their matches as well. They also changed their name to Feeld due to the Tinder knockoff.
(I do realize the match on Tinder was probably just some fake profile used to bait people over to the other app)
Feeld (Thrinder at the time) was still new, so there weren’t a lot of people on there at the time. I got a few matches, met two which are awkward stories for later, and thought maybe this app is a bust. Then I saw a notification that I matched with someone new.
This profile didn’t have any face pictures. She didn’t want to out herself as polyamorous or being a part of this world, so the photos were all hiding her face, but I was intrigued.
It wasn’t long into the conversation that she sent me some face photos…and her real name. She was beautiful. Another out of my league match. Thank you technology!
Our First Date
I think we spoke for about two or three weeks before we actually set up a date.
We met up at a bar not too far from my apartment, and actually walking distance from hers. I lived in Los Angeles, so the convenience of proximity was another huge plus.
I got there early and it was pretty busy for a weeknight. In the corner of a side room, I saw someone I knew. He was in my work industry, so I immediately ducked my head to avoid the shame or running into someone I work with while waiting for a date with a married woman. Of course, he saw me and came over.
Just as he was saying hi and asking if I was there alone, she walked up. I fumbled with how to introduce them and got super nervous that I managed to show my awkward side too early and ruin the date.
Then we sat and ordered some drinks, sending our third wheel away.
This honestly became the best first date I ever had from that point on. She was beautiful, smart, funny, interesting, and laughed at my stupid jokes while also playfully sparring with me. The conversation was so easy, especially since a lot of it was me asking more about her unique dynamic with the husband, but we just hit it off really well regardless.
Maybe 2 drinks in and we decided to leave. She lived close but might have still needed a ride so I asked if she needed one. We walked to my car and she said, “We’re going to your place, right?”
Wow. Did not expect that to happen.
You can fill in the blanks for what happened next.
Before you get judgy, she was new to this whole thing and exploring her newfound open marriage, so let’s not slut-shame her. I was actually the second guy she tried something like this with and there was only one other during our break.
No Strings Attached
Luckily I must have brought my A-game that first night because we kept seeing each other.
Over the next few months, she would come by 1 or 2 nights a week. Both planned nights and last-minute booty calls.
The sex was incredible, but we also had a lot of fun hanging out before and after those naked shenanigans. We began to put the friends in friends with benefits. Corny much?
At the same time, the NSA relationship was perfect for me. I was working a job that gave me barely any time for myself, so I couldn’t fathom giving someone the attention they deserved in a real relationship. And we all know that most hookup relationships rarely have no strings…for long at least.
I did start to find it strange that we only hung out at my place and never went out. I know she didn’t want to run into anyone that would question who I am and where her husband was, so not going out in public made sense.
But why didn’t she ever invite me over to her house? She usually came by my place when her husband was out of town or working overnight, so why not invite me over sometime.
Was she lying about the open relationship? Was she secretly just cheating?
What Am I Scared Of?
I never actually brought up the whole cheating theory, but I kept it in the back of my head.
I started to casually bring up seeing where she lived and she said eventually I’d see it. Then one afternoon sitting at work, I got a text that her husband was going to work all night and I should come over.
Well, maybe she isn’t cheating. Or maybe she’s just getting into the thrill of sneaking around enough to risk having me in her bed.
That night I pulled up to her house. And by pulled up, I mean I parked 7 houses down the street and walked up. You know, just in case.
As soon as I walked into the house I was so embarrassed about the dump of an apartment I’ve been bringing her to. She had a beautiful home, decorated hip and classy, and had a nice couch that wasn’t gross and purchased used on Craigslist…like I had.
It wasn’t too long until I was in her bed, which definitely felt weird knowing her husband woke up there that morning.
We were up to round three under the sheets when her phone rang.
“It’s my husband. I have to take this.”
Mind you, we are in the middle of having sex right now. I start to, umm, dismount her, but she tells me not to move.
“Hey Babe” -her
“We finished up early, so I’m heading home now. How’s everything going over there?” -him
I could hear his voice from her phone. It was deep and sounded threatening.
“Great actually.”-her
There was a bit of silence after that. I think the only reason I was able to hold an erection at this point was that all the blood rushed out of my face and needed somewhere to go.
“Is he still there?”-him
She’s been holding eye contact with me the whole call. Now she made a cute smile and tells him “Yup.”
“Oh shit. This late? Wait…is he in you now?” He sounded like he was joking. I indeed was “in her” at the moment.
She laughs “ummm”
“Wow. That’s kind of hot, I think. How much time do you need? I can take the long way home.”
HOLY SHIT! What is happening right now? Is somebody trying to punk me?
We finished up our last round for the night, me in as much of a hurry as I could. She could sense I was in a bit of a panic and said it is fine, that I can hang out and meet him if I wanted.
Yeah, that was definitely not what I was thinking. I was trying to figure out how to politely ask if I could put my pants back on and run out the door. She knew I was freaking out and told me that it was cool if I left.
Side note — they are not in a cuckold relationship (not that that’s a bad thing). They are just really cool and very comfortable with the open relationship. Just clarifying since that is always the reaction I get when I tell this story.
Uhoh — Am I Getting the Feels?
Now that I know she’s 100% in an open relationship and not cheating, it kind of opened me up to being more comfortable with her.
Our texting conversations are getting more frequent. There is probably the same amount, if not more, sexting and dirty talk, but we’ve added a lot more general talking. When we hang out, we have a lot to talk about before the inevitable sex.
I never imagined two people could have so much in common and be so different at the same time. She’s a vegan spiritual type into reiki and Burning Man. I’m a meat-loving keto dieter with a mind focused on business and science. Still, our conversations are always us learning from each other and not just preaching our beliefs to one another like almost every other conversation I find myself in or witnessing lately.
At this point, she is still my little secret, and outside of her husband, I’m her secret. The only person that knows about her is my roommate, but that’s because I had to explain who had been sneaking into my room late at night.
I decided to start telling a few of my close friends about this relationship. They all had many, many questions. One that they all asked was what happens if either of us gets real feelings for each other.
Each time I gave my sappy explanation of her. How every time she mentions her husband, there is this look in her eye that can’t be faked. She genuinely loves him so much. I’ve never seen anyone with a look like that before.
For me, I just told them that I knew the situation I was in so I was able to separate my emotions from it all.
It’s fun lying to yourself and others…
Make sure to subscribe to my page if you want to be notified of part two to find out about our break, me meeting the husband (and their girlfriend), the wild night that followed said meeting, and where I landed emotionally with her.